Itâs impossible to fully know a person. Even those closest to us have thoughts and feelings they keep hidden. But you definitely want to have at least a good idea of who someone truly is before you choose to spend the rest of your life with them.
Reddit user GirlOnTheBus7 thought she had found a grounded, mature partner, and married him only a few weeks after meeting him. However, she quickly realized that his confident, self-sufficient persona was just a facade, and the reality was far more complicated than she ever imagined.
This woman thought she had finally found a man she could spend the rest of her life with
Woman and man in wedding attire embracing outdoors with cityscape background, symbolizing marriage and big secret reveal.
Financial infidelity is a real issue, but this is just too extreme
The exact number might slightly differ from country to country, but in the United States, for instance, almost half of adults (43%) believe keeping financial secrets is at least as bad as physical infidelity.
At the same time, almost half of Americans (45%) in committed relationships (defined in this survey as married, living together or in a civil partnership) admit they donât know everything about their spouseâs or partnerâs finances.
However, this womanâs experience clearly shows there are levels to it.
What isnât being shared isnât always considered a major secret â 1 in 4 (25%) respondents say theyâre keeping secret only minor sources of debt, expenses or income. And about 1 in 10 (11%) say they arenât discussing credit scores, credit histories, sources of savings or investments.
Only a very small share (9%) say theyâre keeping secret what they consider to be major sources of debt, expenses or income.
Interestingly, among those not sharing financial information with their partner, more than 1 in 4 (28%) say they should be allowed to keep some information to themselves.
People need to watch out for âfuture fakersâ
Los Angeles-based psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula has a YouTube video with a dire warning about âfuture-faking,â and she says itâs a common manipulation tactic used by narcissists in romantic relationships.
Durvasula explains, âFuture faking isnât about talking about the future in a hopeful way, thatâs just wishful thinking.â
âFuture faking is trying to entice something from someone else on the basis of a future promise,â she continues. âFuture faking is saying [that promise will] happen if the other person in the relationship just sticks around or does something.â
But the goal of the future-faker isnât to make their promise become a reality. Rather, they want to keep their relationship together in order to get whatever it is that they want â adoration, status, or, as was the case in our story, money.
Durvasula calls the tactic an âutter tragedy for many people in narcissistic marriages.â
âI have had the experience of dealing with many, many folks who have gone through and are still in long-term narcissistic intimate relationships. 40-plus years, even 50 and 60-plus years,â Durvasula adds.
And the one thing Durvasula has learned is that these manipulators âwill neverâ take care of their partner as they age, regardless of their many promises. So at least our Redditor got out sooner rather than later.
As the story drew attention on the internet, the woman shared more details about her predicament
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Alt text: Woman marries just weeks after meeting husband and exposes his big secret in a surprising relationship turnaround discussion.
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Woman marries just weeks after meeting husband, revealing his big secret and turning the game around in their relationship.
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