š¤Æ INCRĆVEL: āIt Smelled Like A Hot Dumpsterā: 56 Cringey And Infuriating Dating Stories That Make You Want To Stay Single Forever And Ever š²
She bit me. And I mean, she CLEARLY saw it as flirty and playful and I do get that. But she broke the skin. And REFUSED to let go when I said she was hurting me. I finally snapped at her to please stop. She deflated like a balloon, then began that silent āI canāt catch my breathā sobbing. I could feel every eye in the restaurant on us. I paid, apologized, and took her home. She was silent the entire ride, then before she got out told me I was making a mistake by losing her.
Yeah, no.
Long story short, found out he was married when his wife texted me like 2 days after we became official. He is no longer married and I have a new bestie now
These experiences aren’t just anecdotal. According to a study commissioned by the dating platform Tinder, which surveyed 8,000 heterosexual adults aged 18ā34 across the United States, United Kingdom, Australia, and Canada, a striking 91% of men and 94% of women say the current dating environment is more difficult than ever.
And as cringey and disappointing they may be, most aren’t scared away. More than half (53%) of men and over two-thirds (68%) of women say they want a romantic relationship.
Has been on a couple of dates, wasn’t going anywhere & I called her to end it. Before I could:
Her: I wanted to talk to you about last night, im really upset you didn’t try to kiss me
Me: I didn’t think you wanted me to
Her: I didn’t, I’m REALLY upset you didn’t try.
Best I can tell, she really was very unhappy about it, it wasn’t an act.
Spent the night at his place, in the morning he wakes me up at 7am āyou have to leave, my mother will be over soon to clean upā.
Lady tells me right out of the gate, āIām a triple Scorpio. Iām intense. Iām deep. Youād better not cross me! Etc.ā She wanted Thai so I took her to a noodle spot. I wore a nice black tshirt (nice fit, no graphics), dark jeans and nice boots, had a nice haircut. She was not dressed up. We ate and talked, I paid the bill; no chemistry. I said bye and gave her a hug. She texted me after-said I didnāt look nice for the date, didnāt take her to a nice enough place & she never wanted to see me again
“The general state of the world is sensed as less predictable and less secure [than in the past],” says Kathryn Ford, M.D., a psychiatrist and couples therapist based in San Francisco and author of ‘The Aperture Effect: A Radically Simple Approach to Finding Joy and Connection in Your Relationship.’
For some people, this lack of predictability and security results in an increased need to find a partner, while for others it can create a hesitancy to make decisions and commitments, Ford explains. Which, as we can see from the stories, can lead to a lot of awkward situations.
I had a line in my online dating profile that said “I don’t care how tall you areš”
I had a date that made me change that.
He had a really nice pictures of him at the gym but when he showed up ISTG he looks like he was about 12. I thought Chris Hansen was going to jump out and arrest me. He drove a lifted truck and was VERY SHY. Had a creepy high pitched giggle. I changed my profile to say “you can be short or you can be shy, pick a struggle!”
He was about 4’5″.
Seriously.
Met a guy through one of the apps. Made sure he *knew* I was an athiest, no interest in religion at all. He insisted he had no problem with that. Get to the restaurant, sit down, and he hands me a wrapped gift. It was a book about coming to jesus. Shortest first date ever.
We finally added each other on Facebook. We had like 40 mutual friends, but I didnāt look through all of them. He asks me how I know this one girl he saw was a mutual. I ask why heās asking. He said āoh I hooked up with her at a party and never got around to unfriended herā.
IT WAS MY LITTLE SISTER
Went to to go see a girl I liked that I thought was having a mental health crisis. She said she just wanted to drive around and talk. So we did. We got blue lighted coming out of her apt conplex and refused to pull over. Ended up leading us on a high speed chase in 3 diff counties and we got pit maneuvered by a state trooper
I woke up, the guy I was seeing slept over but left before I woke up. So I go to the bathroom and see that he had diarrhea all over the toilet, floor, rugs, bathtub, shower curtains, etc. I was so horrified I went back to my bed – pulled back the cover to see he had [pooped] the bed as well.
So many to chose from but my favorite was the time I went to a guyās house for the first time and he made me watch 40 min of videos of him driving a plow truck through snowy parking lots (I live in Iowa, this is not impressive, and I donāt think it would be even if we lived somewhere without snow). Then he told me that HE STILL LIVED WITH HIS WIFE AND SHE WAS UPSTAIRS, I told him I was no longer interested in pursuing anything with him. He got super offended and told me I was being unreasonable.
Had a blind date. We met, walked around, asked a few questions and realised. That’s not it.
So we stopped the date and each one was going home. I had quite a long way. Nearly an hour of public transport and two switches.
And I saw her every damn time.
Even at my home station.
I avoided to speak to her and fell extra behind to not make it more awkward.
Welp right in front of my house she waited for me and shouted: What’s the matter?! Stop stalking me.
I went over to this guy’s apartment to smoke and chill. I was young and stupid. Please don’t come for me. I get there and we go to his bedroom and start smoking. I’ve been there for five minutes and someone knocks on his door. He goes out to check who it is. 15 minutes pass. He texts me it’ll just be a bit longer. 25 more minutes pass. He texts me telling me that it’s his ex outside and asks if I can please leave through the window.
Had a date off an app 2nd time so brought his overnight sack. Long flowing gorgeous hair, smart medical researcher. He goes to use my bathroom, why this man come out asking why I don’t have any meds in it? Pain pills I ask, nope he wanted hard stuff to steal. Made sure he didn’t come back but regretted it, he was fine all over AF.
His car was filled with garbage and vomit remnants. It smelled like a hot dumpster. He tried to act like it was no big deal. I did not speak to him again. He started working at my job a few months later
I have so very many but let’s go with…first date. I meet him at the restaurant and he is already several drinks in. He proceeds to get blackout drunk. I loaded his 6’4 280 lb frame into the front seat of my Subaru and somehow found his apartment complex. He could barely get out of the car. He then wet himself in the parking lot. Me being 5’2 180 lb pushed his big old self up 2 flight of stairs and got him into his apartment. This fool asked me if I wanna spend the night! SIR!
Mid-80’s. Older woman at the gym fixed me up with her son. He arrives with a red rose and I was gob-smacked. He was GORGEOUS and sweet. He wants to take me to the latest “video bar” for drinks and dancing (it was the 80’s, y’all!). We hit it off on the ride over and I was really getting exited. We weren’t in the bar 5 minutes when he says “I see someone I know, I’ll be right back”. Next thing I know he is screaming and crying at another man and his wife. Turns out it was his boyfriend.
Was invited to a casual party, just people celebrating life.
I’d only met her a few days previous at a friend’s gathering. He told me she was cool, and a fun person to hang with, that she had asked if I was single. So I said sure.
It was an engagement party turned wedding, and she got all possessive when her friends started asking about me.
I freaked out big time and told her I was leaving, that she should get a ride home from one of her friends.
I literally had to block her everywhere.
Met this guy, hit it off, exchanged numbers. Asked if I wanted to go to a movie, sure why not? We had a bit of time to waste, so we walked around a mall that was right next to the theater. This guy took me to a Kayās Jeweler and tried to get me to try on ENGAGEMENT RINGS. On our first date.
I went on a date with a guy who I thought arrived in an uber. I was sitting down in the restaurant so I didnāt see his driver or see him arrive. Apparently it was actually his girlfriend who drove him! He told her it was for a business meeting. I found outā¦ eventually
Not my story but my friends… she met a guy online. They go out for a coffee date. He’s attractive, articulate, well dressed, funny. They really hit it off but she runs a background check anyway. So turns out he’s been arrested for bigamy more than once. There are news articles about him. We found his Facebook page he’s got loads of friends, but all the female ones have multiples of the same first name… like 20 Amy’s, 15 Jessica’s, 10 Leslie’s…and so on. Yeah she went ahead and blocked him
Iād met this dude in passing at church and said yes to a late afternoon coffee date. As we finished our coffee, he asks if Iād be down for dinner. Yknow what, sure. Guy brought me to his sistersā joint birthday party (1 year and 3 days apart) at his momās. It was 2-3 weeks after their preacher dad passed away. There was a card from dad to one of the girls- they didnāt know which. Much sadness and tears. Then he like ANGRILY insisted we watch Hard Candy. It was supremely, INSANELY awkward.
I went on a coffee date with a guy. He was a reeeeeaaal dim bulb. He kept asking me what the words I was using meant. I have a decent vocabulary but I was just using like, normal English words like āmeanderā and āmortified.ā Then when I finally got away, my car had been towed. Had to get a ride from him to the tow lot to pick up my car so it ended up costing me almost $200 to have a terrible night and be a human dictionary.
Dating app guy. We meet. Cliche- he looks nothing like his photos, is significantly older, and 5ā6ā maybe- not the 6ā1ā he claimed to be (idc about height. I do care about multiple lies).
He finds out Iām working in a vet hospital and then shows me dozens of photos of his black lab, immediately followed by asking me about every single condition he thought the dog might have. I suggested he bring her to the clinic with his concerns. He adamantly refuses. āSheās just a dog.ā
I walked out.
He was in a Maroon 5 cover band, which I did not know before our first date. Instead of driving straight to dinner he surprised me by driving around for an hour so I could listen to him sing along to his own cd. An HOUR.
Not my absolute worst date; it was the late 70s and I was about 20. A guy I liked came over to my apartment and after a while we started making out. I reached over to pull him a little bit closer and it was hard as a rock, and no, not that, it was his leg. His leg was hard as a rock.! I must have looked really puzzled being slightly inebriated and he told me he had a wooden leg. I have to admit to being extremely immature, but an actual wooden leg was just too much for me.
I went on a night date with a guy who showed up to an Italian restaurant wearing white yoga pants. White. Yoga. Pants. At night. To a packed restaurant. And of course ā he hadnāt made a reservation. The place was completely full, so he actually begged the waiter to let us keep a table for 30 minutes before the next reservation arrived. That was red flag number one, but unfortunately I decided to be kind instead of smart. We sit down. A few minutes into small talk, he starts talking about his mom
Thenā¦ dramatic pause. Full silence. And suddenly he starts sobbing. Not tearing up. Full-on, shoulders-shaking,not breathing crying. Iām thinking, oh my God, this poor man just lost his mother. So I gently ask if it was recent. He says, āIt was about 15 years ago.ā Fifteen.Thankfully, the waiter comes to reclaim the table. But he is not moving. The waiter asks once. Twice. Three times. Finally I basically order him to get up.
And just when I think the night cannot possibly get worse, as heās paying, he turns to me and asks if I can add 10 AUD because he ran out of money.Sir.!!!You wore white yoga pants to a fully booked restaurant you couldnāt afford and trauma-dumped over pizza
Met a guy at a bar in college and we really hit it off . We danced and talked all night , etc. We go back to my place and smoke with my roommates and everyone likes him . Finally , we go to bed and do the deed. I wake up the next morning and heās gone , but not only that ; all my roommates prescription medications were stolen . I was heartbroken and LIVID, not to mention embarrassed. Worst part ? 5 weeks later I find out Iām pregnant .
At his house, dude came strutting out wearing nothing but a ridiculous zebra print thong/pouch thing. I instantly laughed, thinking he was doing this for comic effect.
He was not. And proceeded to get whiny and refused to accept an apology. Had it been a solid color I would not have laughed ; it was the silly zebra stripes that set me off.
I had the cashier at Trader Joe’s flirting with me. Dug him out of the ether via fb. My mistake. Date was a disaster; he wanted to meet at an arcade, failed to specify which city. Found him, finally. I had a gall bladder attack by the end of the date.
He told me all his baby custody woes, then came out to me as a furry goat. I caught a flight the next day to a vacation (that i told him about); he spent the next 48 hours crashing out via text.
On a first date with a guy I met on Hinge. Bad conversationalist. Asking him a bunch of questions, getting nowhere. Asked his favorite holiday, a standard question. He said thanksgiving. I then asked his least favorite holiday. He said JUNETEENTH. This was almost 3 years ago and it still blows my mind. No, he wasnāt black.
Good grief.
I went for dinner with one guy 10 years younger than me (he was about 45) with a full set of NHS denturesā¦.
Tinder date – I had two cats at the time, this guy knew this, it had come up in conversation. First date, everything is going well, thereās banter, itās comfortable. Then I start talking about my cats and he shuts down. I ask if something is wrong and he goes oh I just hate cats, if I ever see one I kick it. I walked out and blocked him
Dated a guy in a local Ska band, 10 years older than me, divorcee, and bro WENT BALD and broke up with me 2 weeks after telling me he loved me more than he ever loved his ex wife
Went on a date. He never blinked or smiled. He just stared at me the entire date. He had that deranged look. He kept mentioning how pretty I was, but it was strange. I kept feeling like he would jump across the table and randomly attack me.
Had a guy ask me out for a first date and asked if Iād mind double-dating with a friend of his. I said, āsure. Why not?ā It was just pizza.
The double date was with his Ex of less than 1 month and some other guy. None of them had an ounce of personality and my date and his ex were uncomfortably weird throughout. I ended up carrying the conversation and entertaining them until I could escape.
I was 17 and it was one of my first dates ever. A childhood friend asked me out to the movies. The guy wouldnāt let me go to the bathroom alone, kept saying women need a firm male hand to live a pure life, and got all gropey. I literally snuck out during a loud scene, ran to the restaurant next door and called my stepfather to come pick me up. That guy called my house for weeks pissed I would insult him like that.
First date. FaceTimed his mom so she could āinspect meā to make sure I wasnāt āfatā. He mentioned that she wanted to know if I had any āfat friendsā because theyād influence me to gain weight. He also told me I wasnāt allowed to eat cheese or bread in front of her. Truly a sick woman. So much more happened that date too. There wasnāt another date needless to say.
He didnāt want me to know what car he drove because he was afraid I might be a gold digger. It was an Infinity. Like good for you I guess, but whereās the gold Iām supposed to be digging?
I invited a potential date over to hang out at my place. He came in his WRX, and brought his own brew of beer.
I don’t drink, but my house mate and his partner did. So they shared.
We all then sat down to play Monopoly. It was supposed to be a fun afternoon of getting to know each other.
He lost at Monopoly, and cried, throwing some of his game pieces around in a tantrum.
He was firmly asked to leave.
I was 25 he was 28.
2001, my friend is seeing a dude and they LOVE the idea of their friends seeing each other, us doing double dates. I meet the friend and immediately think I’d rather stay home and hem curtains. But hes nice, respectful. I dont know WHY I let it go on for multiple dates and then š . This man was a talker, and I dont mean š„, he was like “so when do you finish up your degree again?” And “are you thinking of trading in your car?” Like casual small talk. That was the last date because, what??
A friend sets us up. We go with friend on double date. My date āforgetsā his wallet so I pay for dinner, drinks and pool. I leave and find out the next day that my date goes home with the friend that fixed us up.
Not mine but my wifeās before we met. The guy is all kinds of odd and she thought sheād have him over for dinner at her motherās house (I mean, I love thatā¦) anyway, the dude starts telling her and her mother how āsensualā a turkey isā¦ weāve been together for 25 years and still laugh about the āsensual turkey guyā
Single mom on a dinner date. The appetizer came and while we were snacking, he casually told me that he liked me but it was too bad I had a kid.
I didnāt stay for dinner. I had the doorman get me a taxi, and I went home to someone with no conditions on their love for me.
Went on a first date with someone who proceeded to tell me he was still in love with his on-again-off-again ex after we just so happened to drive past her apartment. He later proceeded to share throughout the date that heād been quite promiscuous, which has led to STDs and then further shared that sleeping around is a way he copes with depression for which heās been hospitalized on more than one occasion. I donāt know what truth serum he took, but my god, did he lay it all out on the table.
Just the usual. We meet on a dating website. She says she’s just starting a relationship but would like to hang out as friends. She meets my son, I meet her boyfriend, aaaaand the whole time, I was being groomed as a third. Everyone’s been through this to some extent. Most just haven’t realized it.
Met someone on POF I believe. Talked/texted for a week or so then actually had a date. Had a bite to eat and talked and walked in a large city park. Conversation was good, ended with a really nice kiss. She said she would text me when she got home and we could plan our next date. A few hours after I got home, she texted me saying ”this ain’t happening but thanks for the food”..
This guy thought he was going on a first date, but it was really just a friends dinner. He didnāt drive, so he needed a ride to the ādate,ā and when he realized early on that it wasnāt what he expected, he sulked the whole time, pushed his food around on his plate, and then still needed a ride back to his dorm (!) and was sullen and quiet the whole time, on the verge of tears. A little while later, he called and played Smiths songs over the phone while crying. Plot twist: This boy was me
Went to a restaurant and the guy tried to vape on the patio where we were seated. The waitress caught him and told him he couldn’t do that. He tried to lie and say he wasn’t going to, he was “just holding it” (juvenile) then as we left he flipped her off and she screamed us out of the restaurant, but I hadn’t seen him do it so I was VERY confused about why she was screaming at us š I told him goodnight and came back and apologized to her.
1st time this particular date came to my house. My cat was being … well a cat. I moved her off a throw she was making biscuits on so she didn’t damage it. She did a cat and as soon as I sat down, went back to start doing it again. Date lept up yelling with fist clenched that he would sort that bastard cat once and for all. He was really raging. Nope nope and nope
Told me he loved me on the first date, and thought he meant it.
Went on a second date with a guy I wasnāt sure about. We brought our dogs on a walk on a public trail. After regaling me with tales of his refusal to take antibiotics in different situations and having strep throat for an entire month as a result (prompting me to wonder what else he might have untreated), he asked if I wanted to check under his clothes for ticks. Hard pass.
I was 16. I worked with this guy and he told me he was still in HS. Used to show up at the library and ask me to help him study. Asked me out and he drove us around to visit crime scenes off of a scanner he had in his car. It was weird, and I was no longer interested but he kept making it awkward at work. So I went to my manager to ask for different shifts and that’s when I found out he wasn’t 17, but 20. He was using his younger sister’s books to pretend he was still in HS.
When i was a teenager, long before cell phones, I date a really nice guy from HS. 1st date, we got mugged, 2nd date, car breaks down & cant get a tow truck for 8 hours. 3rd date was fine, dinner & a movie, 4th date we’re with another couple who are his friends & the other guy is driving & he gets pulled over for making a right on red. Driver gets arrested for an outstanding warrant, the car is impounded & we have to figure out how to get ourselves home. There was not a 5th date.
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