đ€Ż INCRĂVEL: “Women Arenât Property”: 71 Women Give Brutal Reasons They Would Never Take Their Husbands’ Last Names đČ
I kept my surname when I got married many years ago. Iâd already made a name for myself in my career and also, I didnât see why my entire identity (and all my official documents) had to change simply because someone put a ring on my finger. My then-husband was completely cool with it, but of course, not everyone shared his open-minded ways of thinking.
Historically, women changed their surnames upon marriage because, under English common law and in a patriarchal society, they âbelongedâ to their husbands. Nowadays, many still do, but for different reasons. And then there are those who buck tradition and hold onto the names they were born with.
Someone asked married women to share their reasons for keeping or not keeping their maiden names, and some of the answers may surprise you. Bored Panda has put together a list of the best. Youâll find that below, along with some info on where this tradition of taking someone else’s name really comes from.
Women didnât have much of a choice back in the day. Getting married meant you no longer belong to your father, your husband now âownsâ you and legally, you must take his surname. It came down to something known as coverture. In short, the erasure of a womanâs identity.
âCoverture is a legal formation that held that no female person had a legal identity,â explains Catherine Allgor, a historian and president of the Massachusetts Historical Society. âA female baby was covered by her fatherâs identity, and then, when she was married, by her husbandâs.â
Allgor adds that while the idea of a husband and wife becoming âoneâ under marriage might sound romantic, it really wasnât because the âoneâ essentially was the husband, while the wife was âlegally deceased.âÂ
âShe does not exist in law,â Allgor said. âOnly the husband does.â
Because I got married not bought. I donât find it necessary for a woman to change her identity once she gets married.
Allgor goes on to say that coverture severely limited a womanâs rights. âMarried women could not make contracts, because they couldnât own businesses… Married women owned nothingânot even the clothes on their backs,” she told Brides.com. “They had no rights to their children, and no rights to their bodies, so men could send their wives out to labor, and [the men] could collect the wages.â
A husband also had an absolute right to intimacy because within marriage, a womanâs consent was implied. The Dark Ages were pretty dark, for women at least…
I’m first gen Mexican American and it was a piece of my identity I was not willing to give up. also will be first Gen college graduate so I want my family name on that degree
I didnât change mine because in Islam a woman is supposed to keep her last name and not erase her identity by taking someone elseâs name. It also is your link to your lineage.
Fortunately, albeit slowly, the wheels started to turn and women were eventually allowed to do things like go to school, get driverâs licenses, and work. In 1920, American women were granted the right to vote. But there was a twist…
Prior to the 1970s in the U.S., a woman could not obtain a driverâs license, get a passport, or register to vote unless she took her husbandâs last name. We’ve moved with the times since then and women nowadays are seen as (a lot more) equal.
Yet, despite this, around 80% of women who do choose to get married to a man end up taking his surname.
My fiance (male) is taking my (female) last name instead of me changing my name! He is adopted and isnât closely attached to his last name, whereas my dad passed when I was a kid and I have always felt close to him and to my last name. He wants to honor my dad by taking his name instead!
We got married in 2021 and so the social security office still had covid measures. They wanted me to mail in sensitive documents and I wasnât comfortable with it.
It felt weird. I came into this world with my name. Why would I change it.
While itâs no longer law to do so, many brides lose their maiden names nowadays either as a symbolic or romantic gesture of âtwo becoming one,â because they want their new family unit to share a last name, or out of social pressure.
Of course, some opt to take their husbandâs surname because it simply sounds better than their own. Or because, as one Mrs. quipped, going from being a King to being a Butler would be an unwanted demotion.
Um did you see how much paper work that was? I said to him, I donât mind changing my name, but youâre going to have to all this paper work. SO THAT NEVER HAPPENED.
I wont cause his name is too long and I like saying that Iâm related to Marvin Gaye.
A 2023 poll conducted by Pew Research Center found that 14% of married women chose to keep their last name, while 5% hyphenated both their name and their spouseâs name. Interestingly, but not too surprisingly, 92% of married men said they kept their last name.
âJust 5% took their spouseâs last name, and less than 1% hyphenated both names,â Pew reported.
because iâm hispanic and heâs white, i like my hispanic last name and didnât want a white person last name
When Pew Research dug deeper, the survey revealed that certain groups of women were more likely than others to keep their maiden name after marriage.
“20% of married women ages 18 to 49 say they kept their last name, compared with 9% of those ages 50 and older,” notes the site, adding that some women with a postgraduate degree were also reluctant to let their husbands steal their thunder.
“26% of married women with a postgraduate degree kept their last name, compared with 13% of those with a bachelorâs degree and 11% of those with some college or less education,” Pew reported.
Democratic and Democratic-leaning women were also twice as likely as Republican and Republican-leaning women to say they kept their last name.
Hmmm because itâs an old school tradition based on property ownership and I donât believe that humans should be property.
because I will not absorb my identity into a man’s, especially because he would never consider changing his
I got married not adopted. I also already have one manâs name stamped on me, my fatherâs, and I didnât want a second one. Instead I pronounce my original name differently from my Dad. It helps
Whether you choose to keep your maiden name, take your husband’s name, or use a hyphenated version of both is a personal decision. But it’s not one to be taken lightly, warn some experts. It can impact your daily life, your identity, your career, your finances and even your future family.
“This choice will follow you in social settings, professional environments, and legal situations,” Loverly.com explains. “Itâs not just a formality; itâs a reflection of who you are and how you want to present yourself to the world.”
My name is my identity. I hate how society expects women to change their names- and I want to work toward shifting societal expectations for women
My last name was hard to spell and pronounce. My new last name is easy- Moore.
As an immigrant, it felt like I was erasing that part of myself. Also Iâm in my PhD and it would have been confusing with publications
Iâm already in my profession and have 4 published scientific papers. It feels like a waste to deal with that plus the process is a pain. The only reason I would maybe hyphenate is to avoid stigma when I have kids (I live in the Deep South, very judgy)
I didnât want to change mine, so we took each others names. The double-barrel name confuses everyone but Iâm happy with it!
I’m changing mine because it carries too much weight of what I’ve been through and I no longer want it attached to me
Mine is Van blaricom and his is Nelson. I canât give up a life time of Van blaricom for Nelson to be so fr âčïžđ
I built an entire life and career with this name. Why would I give it up?
I was really excited to change my name. I am not contact with my birth parents and had a lot of trauma so having thr last name of someone who loves me was a definite improvement đ đ
I just want all of my titles to have my own name accompany them (officer ______, for example)
I have to change my name in 2 different countries and going to the consulate/embassy is a nightmare.
my name means too much to me. I never had any intention of changing my name. my now husband, when we were dating asked me how I felt about him changing his last name to mine. I hadn’t told him yet I never intended on changing my name đ
people only change it because of the patriarchy. people can say otherwise, but if it was never introduced to us, how many would honestly even think of it?
I changed mine because I wanted the same last name as my children. It had nothing to do with my husband. If we got divorced, I would keep his last name because itâs my childrenâs last name.
I didnât want to do all of the paperwork and wait in all of the lines đ€·đ»ââïžMy kids know Iâm their mom, even though they have a different last name than I do, and we all love each other just the same
Iâm on the opposite end I changed mine immediately after my wedding o line & legally a few months later post honeymoon. I have no relationship with my dad & a toxic one when I was younger. The day I changed my last name I finally felt like I was free from the last little bit of him
It’s a lot to change legally and I love my name, it’s who I am. My identity, my family. My husband has never cared or wanted me to change it.
On the flip side, I chose to change my last name to his because I donât really have one I consider to be my own (long story) and his was just cooler, but I divorced him and have chosen a last name from my maternal line!
I changed my last name bc I love my husbandâs family. I came from a very dysfunctional broken home and always admired his family and I wanted to be a part of it. A part of me struggled when I changed my last name though bc it felt like I was losing a part of my dad. He was the one person who stuck by me my whole life. It almost felt like I was betraying him in a way. He told me no matter what Iâll always be a Myers. I have plans to get my maiden name tattooed in my dadâs handwriting
My fiance is taking my last name. My dad passed, my brother isnât sure about kids, and my fiance has no ties to his last name (ex stepdads name) itâs a win win for us. I keep my dadâs name and he gets rid of a bad memory!
so many women have been lost to time because they changed their last name. I was big into genealogy prior to my wedding. a woman’s last name can be a steel wall in genealogical research.
I just donât see why i would? I told my partner he could change his if he wanted, but he didnât want to either. Changing your name just because you got married is weird to me idk
Iâm not married, but Iâve always said the only way Iâd ever change my last name is if the other person had a cooler last name and I donât see that happening lol. But honestly now, if I do ever get married, Iâve just had this name too damn long, I have 2 degrees with it, itâs so much part of my identity and my family is very small and their arenât many left with the name so I donât see myself ever changing it.
Iâve been my name for my whole life, why would I change it for a man? (and I love my husband a whole whole lot) Plus I have professional licenses on top of all of the other typical paperwork so Iâm sure not going to do all that work to change something Iâd rather not.
I liked his last name better than my maiden and it was easy. Thereâs a space in my maiden name that made everything a hassle with any sort of legal documents and potentially not matching up so I wanted to avoid that
My name is my my identity and I donât feel like giving that up for a last name that has family who doesnât even speak to my husband. They arenât worthy of that power.
Mine is Gasca, not very common.. im not changing it to Piperđ my ancestors alr mad im dating a white boy on purpose. Im keeping my roots
I was never interested in changing my name due to paperwork and now Iâm married to a man from a culture where women changing their name upon marriage is not the norm (as being married doesnât change who your father is)
Thinking about the reverse scenario: I feel it would be degrading to have a man change his name to mine-
my last name is just too cool to give up, Rainbolt is also super easily recognized even if i havenât seen that person in ages
knowing that I could change it to Targaryen but changed it to something else feels criminal. so the paper work just sits đ
will be changing mine because my family name doesnât represent family to me. my âfamilyâ were never my family so he will be my new family
Because Iâm not his property and we werenât negotiating any treaties or alliances. Weâre two people in love so the last name doesnât matter-our love for one another doesđ
1. My name is my identity and I didnât want to change something I identify so strongly with 2. My degree is in my name 3. Iâm lazy
i didnt have any attachment to my last name. it was more important to him that i change it than it was to me not to change it. It says nothing about me that I changed my name other than I chose to do it. it doesnt make me his property it doesnt diminish me. Had it been important to me to keep my name. I would have.
My husband always told me he didn’t care one way or another. Since he didn’t care, and I hate paperwork, I didn’t see the necessity.
my parents are the ones who got me to where i am, why would i want to replace their name? (doctor too)
I considered it, but in the end it just didnât feel right to me. My name is my name – being married just didnt seem like reason enough to change it.
My dad is African so I feel it would be weird to have black kids without their ethnic last name đ I know it could give them perks but eh⊠if you have to rely on duping people into believing ur white to get in somewhere itâs not a safe place to be anyway.
My husband and I both changed our names đ I was Bowen and he was Ford now were both Bowen-Ford. People are always weirded out that he changed his name though and its usually pretty funny to watch him ask why that would be weird
Mine is Noble his Bertram. Actually never considered changing my name.
Iâve heard people I love say âitâs not even your name, itâs your dadâsâ and I get so frustrated because ??? my fiancĂ©âs last name is just his dadâs too? WTH kind of argument is that? So now Iâm keeping it out of spite.
i am a first generation college & graduate student and worked so hard for my title and certifications so keeping my name was important to me. i hyphenated but havenât changed legally. he knows our last name is shared, and everyone else knows it. i just simply donât feel like changing on paper.
No Iâve literally been Maddy B (or my full last name) my ENTIRE life, people still call me Maddy B to this day, I couldnât imagine having a DIFFERENT initial, let alone last name
Mostly lazy and hate paper work lol husband also didnât want me to change it. He knows me by my last name as âmy nameâ and didnt want it to change to his just bc we were married. Also only child and it is the last piece I have of my dad whoâs no longer here.
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