đ€Ż INCRĂVEL: Married Men Confess They Do These 30 Things When They Finally Are Left Home Alone đČ
Having a family is a blessing. But even the most dedicated and patient parents need some time alone. Wanting at least some privacy and freedom is not a bad thing. It helps you recharge. And it reminds you of who you are as an individual. Thatâs worth a lot if youâre constantly surrounded by responsibilities to other people, day in and day out.
User u/Kitkatcrusher sparked a lively and honest discussion on r/AskReddit after asking the men of the internet to open up a bit about themselves. They spilled the tea about what it is that they do when their partner and children leave the house. Their answers were illuminating. Weâve collected some of the very best responses, and you can check them out as you scroll down.
Bored Panda reached out to the author of the viral thread u/Kitkatcrusher, as well as parenting blogger Samantha Scroggin from âWalking Outside in Slippersâ to get their thoughts on balancing private time with parental responsibilities. Youâll find the insights both of them shared with us as you read on!
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I donât speak. I donât play music. I donât have the TV on. I sit, in complete silence, reading my phone or whatever, but not having to answer anybodyâs questions, not having to listen to anybody. Just complete silence for at least 15 minutes. One time my wife took the kids out of town for the weekend with her sister. From Friday night when I got home from work until Monday morning when I went back, I didnât speak a word. I justâŠexisted. I watched shows, I played games, I drank some whiskey and smoked a cigar. I cleaned and did laundry. I didnât speak. I didnât have to answer anyoneâs questions. Edit: this got way more hits than I was expecting. Honestly, it makes me feel good to know that there are other parents like me. I sometimes feel guilty about it but knowing there are thousands of people who do the same thing is helpful haha.
The author of the captivating thread told us how he first came up with the idea to post about the topic online. âI got inspired when my wife decided to go out for an errand and took our twin three-year-old girls with her that afternoon. Those times donât really happen that often, so I really wanted to ask people online what theyâd do with the unexpected and surprising time to themselves,â he shared with Bored Panda.
According to u/Kitkatcrusher, there has to be a âgive and takeâ in relationships, where one person takes care of the kids while the other recharges.
âI try taking the kids to the park during the weekends while the wife gets the morning to herself, or I put them to bed while she goes to see friends. She really helps with watching our girls, too, when I want to go do a quick 9-hole round, and I try booking an early tee time and try to be done by 9 am to help with the kids,â he opened up to us.
So not me but my dad thought my mom took all of us but I was actually home and he laid down and started talking to the dog and telling her how good she is and how she does such a good job protecting the house.
A while ago I spent a week alone in my house while my wife and kids visited distant family. It was glorious. I made the food I wanted to eat, every meal was excellent. I chose a movie I wanted to watch, nobody complained. I sat in silence, nobody drilled me with questions. I cleaned up after myself, nobody else was there to immediately undo my work. I got several home improvement projects done, working on them undisturbed for 4-5 hours at a time. I slept starfish-style in the bed, no fear of elbowing anyone. I could think for hours at a time, no interruptions. I made sure to tell my wife everything productive I had done when she called, and also how difficult the home improvement projects were, let alone my full time job. I wanted her to think she was the one on vacation, not me. After all, I was the one who was “just at home”. But the truth really was that I hadn’t experienced true peace and quiet for many years, and it brought me a wonderful joy.
âWe donât really have any family in town, and we have to watch our kids all the time, but we try to help each other with raising the girls, and itâs actually easier as time goes on,â the author said.
âI know itâs tempting to complete tasks while the wife and kids go out, but time will be just as well spent if we take it and do something for ourselvesâŠâ
Meanwhile, Samantha, the creator of the witty âWalking Outside in Slippersâ blog, shared her personal thoughts on how partners can support each other when theyâre feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities.
âI am through the woods a bit on this because my kids are now 8 and 12, and not babies or toddlers. Itâs especially hard to carve out alone time when you have a toddler following you into the bathroom. But I think cutting back on the parent guilt and doing what you have to do to keep your sanity is totally acceptable. Whether that is letting your kid have some extra screen time or putting them in a stroller and browsing Target again,â she told Bored Panda.
I cook a package of bacon and save the drippings. I cook basically everything in that fat until itâs gone. Wife and daughter are vegetarian.
âNot every second has to be structured craft and playtime. You donât have to continuously get on the floor with your child just because they are asking. Some of the time, maybe. But not constantly. Parents have needs, too, and itâs important to meet those. If you have a partner to help out, all the better. If they are not too wiped out themselves, maybe they can watch the kids while you go on a walk or do something else you find rejuvenating.â
Samantha pointed out that a brisk walk can be wonderful for mental health. âI am also a proud working mom, and I enjoy my time spent at the office, out working away from my kids.â
She added that thereâs no place for parental guilt. âItâs time we kick that guilt to the curb for good. Our kids have needs, but so do we. If we are not feeling good, weâre not at our parenting best anyway. And what even is parenting best? We are all just doing what we can to raise good people. That is more than enough.â
I sit in silence. No music, no mess, no having to please everyone. Just… Temporary peace. I want to emphasise that, as a hot blooded male with access at my fingertips, I fantasize about being alone in quiet darkness and this is more valuable to me than my biological urges. This is how exhausting raising a family is.
Happy and healthy relationships revolve around open and timely communication. Without honesty, youâre left guessing what your partner might want or need. And most of us have probably learned by now that we donât have any mind-reading superpowers. Alas!
Not to oversimplify things, but if you need some time to be alone, you need to tell your partner. If youâre exhausted, tell your partner. If youâre saddled with an unfair amount of chores, talk to them. If you feel like youâre going mad because you havenât left the house in a week and havenât met any friends for a monthâyup, you guessed itâtell your partner how you really feel.
Sure, it might be awkward and embarrassing to admit that you need a bit of âtime offâ from parenting. You might feel guilty admitting that you also want to do the other things that you love and to meet the other folks in your life you care about. But a parent isnât just a parent.
FINALLY a chance to clean up without anyone in the way! Turn up the music and bust out the broom and mop and rags! 8D Go outside for a smoke and get to it! 8D.
The odds are that your partner will be happy to support you⊠and you should be ready to do the same for them. You could take the kids to the playground, park, or cinema for a few hours and let your partner do whatever they want to do. Or you could keep them occupied at home while the love of your life goes out to socialize a bit outside the house.
The key here is to make your partner feel supported no matter how they choose to spend that time. They can nap, do woodworking, exercise, paint, or read. They can play video games, binge TV shows, joke around with their high school pals, or go on solitary hikes in the woods. They can volunteer, visit museums, or spend their time learning a new language. It doesnât matter what they do, so long as theyâre not made to feel guilty.
A few years ago I had started a new job. We were planning to go on vacation with the in-laws, but the new job kept me from being able to go⊠they went without me and left me home by myself for 10 days. Also, the job was remote so I was home alone for 10 days⊠You know what I did ⊠donât think I wore clothes the whole time they were goneâŠ.
The fact is that you canât take care of others well if you donât take care of yourself first. If you want to be a capable partner and parent, you need to be healthy: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
If youâre burned out, exhausted, and constantly on edge, how loving of a person do you think youâll be? You donât want to end up resenting your nearest and dearest. You owe it to yourself to take care of your health. And part of that means being âselfishâ to do some things alone.
We all need to recharge our social batteries from time to time, no matter if weâre extroverts, ambiverts, or introverts. Meanwhile, your kids donât need to be micromanaged. Let them make some mistakes on their own so they develop some independence and confidence.
Usually housework. Funny enough, my wife and kids are usually fine with me playing video games, doing hobbies, or generally having time to myself, unless I’m doing housework. Dishes take 10 minutes when I’m home alone, they take 20+ minutes when I’m trying to juggle conversations and dodge people walking through the kitchen. I can do a load of dishes, a couple loads of laundry, vaccum the carpets, and do some basic picking up in less than an hour when I’m home alone. It’s a multi hour task when I’m not. If my wife leaves for 2 hours. I can get the whole house picked up and then goof off with the kids or on my own for the rest of the day without stressing over the house. It’s also a bonus that I can crank up whatever music I want with no complaints or fold laundry while watching garbage TV shows that my wife doesn’t like.
Of course, the assumption is that both partners put in the effort to make their relationship and family life work. This means that theyâre contributing to the household through a combination of work, housework, childcare, or anything and everything thatâs needed, as itâs needed.
You probably wonât find a perfect 50/50 split of chores and childcare in any relationship. What matters is that the division of responsibilities makes sense for the couple. If someone feels like theyâre doing most of the work without any appreciation while their partner lazes about, then thereâs an issue. But, again, open communication solves that problem.
Usually I go to bed and take a nap. I don’t like to be seen napping (I have a complex about being seen as lazy) and I like the chance to have the bed to myself.
What do you personally like to do when youâre left alone without your family, dear Pandas? How do you and your partner ask each other for some time to be alone? What do you do to support each other when youâre both feeling overwhelmed?
Weâd genuinely love to hear your thoughts on the topic. If you have a spare moment, let us know what you think in the comments.
Itâs happened once. I got incredibly high, forgot to make myself dinner, and stayed up till 3am playing video games on a school night and crushed like 10 beers. So either that or panic and apologize.
Had this the other day. I ate 1.5g mushrooms and watched avatar while listening to a podcast doing a commentary on avatar.
I put on a cute dress and start dancing to the sound of “Goodbye Horses” by Q Lazzarus.
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